As you walk,
There is a moment
Where your stride
Does not touch the ground
And you float in air.
Watch yourself fly
In the present moment.
As you walk,
I find such progress deepening in my meditations as of late…
Then there comes a day suddenly
Where amnesia of a deeper life
Seems to run through my every cell.
My swan dive into a contemplative life becomes a belly flop.
Through years of intermittent practice,
I find my ego infiltrating and asking:
How am I not kind sometimes?
How am I in a fog sometimes?
I should be further along?
The ego intertwines with the true self
It wrestles for the spotlight —
Persisting and asking these questions.
Building intangible feelings of guilt and disappointment.
My true self will not answer such questions.
I know the answer.
I am human.
Years of practice…
Yet taking the spiritual path again and again.
I have started over countless times.
Some days, I start over a hundred times.
It is not easy as hopping on an old bicycle.
The vehicle to liberation of the soul
Changes in every infinite moment.
The true self will start over again and again
And set my ego free again and again.
From time to time,
Very difficult people
Push into my life —-
Into my “sacred” space…
Attempting to disassemble
My balance — my peace,
That I have simmered
In my soul-enriching crock pot
For so long.
One encounter, uninvited,
from these people —
From these young souls.
Shows me just how fragile my soul is.
My doors — wide open.
My heart — assuming the best.
My intention – pure.
My awareness — present.
With one encounter
They rush to me
And attack me
Like blind, starved rabid lab rats
Finally reaching a morsel
But not knowing how they arrived —
Their toxic claws penetrate me
I shake to the core…
I feel fragile.
My balance, disrupted.
Then I think…
Perhaps they are drowning dear friends
From another slice of existence — a parallel universe.
They are only trying to stay afloat and survive.
Grasping onto the only safe shoreline they sense.
Tugging, holding, attaching to my marinated soul.
My soul – old, but raw —
Not yet encased with malleable armor.
Not yet knowing how to protect itself.
But I’m learning.
Where are you now?
When will I meet you for the first time again in this lifetime?
I don’t know you yet in this human life,
But I sense you
From another eon.
So many details I can’t recollect.
But a palpable warmth conjures within.
This feels familiar.
Are you really separate from me?
Or perhaps you already encompass me,
And my infantile awareness-
In time, with patience,
Will materialize you into this human life…
So that we will meet again for the first time.
Until then, I know my work must be done
From my insides
So that our dimensions will merge
A timely glimpse…
And, once again
On a deeper level
That we only know.
With no words.
it just dawned on me, since there is no “time” in a quantum sense…perhaps all the things we wish for or “summon” into our lives have happened, are happening and already happened. Or more precisely, everything is. Maybe our wishes and summons that happen aren’t really miracles, but more so, have always been with us for infinity—an infinity with no beginning and no end. Within what we perceive to be a human life—or this infinite life, we have a choice to see clearly to the wonder of this simplicity.
Unexpected, comes a day like today, where without intention, my relentless thoughts become silent, fading like an echo outro in the canyon of my mind. A mind only filled with breath and this realization.
Breeze whispers leaves from trees above
Floating aimlessly, like child-made paper airplanes
These autumn petals find their place,
And blanket the gentle creek surface like lily pads.
lonely day. ran, walked, yoga’d. somewhat slightly, mildly curious about facing loneliness for the first time in my life. i want to be genuinely okay with it so I can experience true happiness. I’m hopeful.